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Turtlenecks and TaTas

Last week, Ellen left a hilarious and all-too-true comment on one of my Instagram pics. She asked how, as a fellow short yet well-endowed girl, I wear turtlenecks without it looking like my boobs are “committing a coup d’etat?” 
This comment hit home, because I am pretty sure I have spent my entire adult life insecure about, and downplaying my chest. As all busty girls know (especially if you are also short), you’ve got to keep the tatas in line, because if they succeed in their coup d’etat, you risk looking inappropriate or about fifteen pounds heavier. 
There are lots of rules when it comes to dressing your body. And for the most part I follow them religiously. V-necks and fluted skirts elongate short and curvy frames, while full skirts and high necklines balance out a pear shape. But just because certain shapes are more flattering, doesn’t mean you can’t wear something. It just means you have to wear it carefully (like horizontal stripes).
So here are my rules for wearing a turtleneck if you are busty:
1) Fit and Fabric Matter
Stay away from bulky fabrics and oversized fits. Instead, opt for form fitting turtlenecks in stretchy, lightweight fabrics. J.Crew’s tissue turtleneck is my personal favorite. Proportion also matters. You want your turtleneck to hit just above or just below your hip.
2) Invest in a Good Bra
If you are well-endowed this rule applies for everything, but is especially important for fitted silhouettes. Personally, I am anti-Victoria’s Secret. The notion that you can simply go up on your band size to compensate for a too-tight bra cup is ludicrous and a way to avoid having to manufacture more size combinations. Boobs come in more than 5 cup sizes (A-DD)! Trust me, a good bra found through a professional bra fitting is life changing, no matter your cup size. It improves posture and takes about fifteen pounds off of you. Nordstrom is a great place to get fitted.
3) Stick to Dark Colors
We all know black is slimming, but so are all dark colors. To balance your shape, wear dark colors on your bigger half and light on your smaller half. You will never catch me in a white t-shirt, they are the devil!
4) Layer to Create a More Flattering Shape
You can make a turtleneck instantly more flattering by layering a v-neck on top. This is usually how I style mine. Coats, capes, blazers, and even v-neck sweaters layered on top will still elongate your frame, even if you are wearing a turtleneck to keep warm.

Ellen, I hope this helps! Does anyone else have tips to share for downplaying the girls?